Joseph Delmastro
Junior
Treasurer (December 2017 – Present)
Profit (November 2017 – Present)
Disciple (August 2016 – November 2017)Joseph Delmastrois currently working on a glitter/mac & cheese hybrid following the astounding success of his sequin/glazed ham combo. He’s also looking for a marketing/decoupage intern, so apply below.
Sydney Hale
Senior
Community Outreach Director (December 2017 – Present)
Profit (November 2017 – Present)
Disciple (January 2016 – November 2017)
Sydney Hale is an anagram of Elsy Handey, Eyes Hyland, and Leyna Hydes, neither of whom are allowed at Costco. She enjoys making people laugh and knocking things off tables.
Hannah Jones
Class of 2017
Agent (December 2016 – May 2017)
Director of Instruction (April 2015 – April 2016)
Treasurer (December 2014 – December 2015)
Alumni Manager (April 2014 – December 2014)
Profit (August 2013 – May 2017)
Disciple (N/A)
–
Hannah Jones is a student at UNC Chapel Hill but she would have attended anywhere that wasn’t Duke. She has never been hugged before and her first improv teacher once told her ‘it shows’. She spends most of her time playing Sims 1 because she is deeply afraid of progress and wants her fans to know ‘please, please, let me go. I don’t know who planted the bombs. Just let me free’.
Peter McThrilliams
Junior
President (December 2015 – Present)
Agent (April 2015 – December 2015)
Alumni Manager (December 2014 – August 2015)
Profit (April 2014 – Present)
Disciple (August 2013 – April 2014)
–
After National Geographic rejected his proposal to host and produce “The Cat Whisperer” for the third time, Peter McWilliams found himself with an abundance of cats and nowhere to go. Fortunately he encountered the False Profits shortly thereafter, and they entered a symbiotic relationship. He provided them with funny videos of his cats to aid in their comedy while they gave him “friends.” In the short bursts of sanity between adoring and worshiping his felines, Peter occasionally eats food and participates in comedy shows.
UNC Comedy | False Profits 