Senior Community Outreach Director (December 2017 – Present) Profit (November 2017 – Present) Disciple (January 2016 – November 2017) Sydney Hale is an anagram of Elsy Handey, Eyes Hyland, and Leyna Hydes, neither of whom are allowed at Costco. She enjoys making people laugh and knocking things off tables.
Class of 2017 Agent (December 2016 – May 2017) Director of Instruction (April 2015 – April 2016) Treasurer (December 2014 – December 2015) Alumni Manager (April 2014 – December 2014) Profit (August 2013 – May 2017) Disciple (N/A) – Hannah Jones is a student at UNC Chapel Hill but she would have attended anywhere that wasn’t Duke. She has never been hugged before and her first improv teacher once told her ‘it shows’. She spends most of her time playing Sims 1 because she is deeply afraid of progress and wants her fans to… Read More
Junior President (December 2015 – Present) Agent (April 2015 – December 2015) Alumni Manager (December 2014 – August 2015) Profit (April 2014 – Present) Disciple (August 2013 – April 2014) – After National Geographic rejected his proposal to host and produce “The Cat Whisperer” for the third time, Peter McWilliams found himself with an abundance of cats and nowhere to go. Fortunately he encountered the False Profits shortly thereafter, and they entered a symbiotic relationship. He provided them with funny videos of his cats to aid in their comedy while they gave him “friends.”… Read More
Junior Profit (April 2015 – Present) Disciple (August 2014 – April 2015) – Christian Prosperi hails from an unknown, experimental region of the Internet. He is double majoring in Lawn Sitting and Artful Coffee Preparation, with a minor in Time Management Ignorance. Legend has it that he has three spleens.