Huge congratulations to our first graduating class of False Profits, Jordan Hale and Joey Rasmus!

As an organization, False Profits will be taking more credit than we should for their academic success and contributions to the campus community. So let’s try that introduction again. And do it right…

Huge congratulations to our first graduating class of False Profits, Jordan Hale and Joey Rasmus!

Much better.

Jordan is graduating with a degree in watching iTunes visualizers and intends to do what all comedians do – work in the food service industry.

Joey is graduating with a degree in admiring himself and will be moving to New York in the coming weeks to perform standup comedy. Look for him in the Big Apple!

We will miss Jordan and Joey as they move on, but we are thrilled to see where their lives take them beyond UNC.

Oh, you were wondering about that picture above with the food tray and diploma? Oh, that little thing we threw together? It’s to commemorate both Mother’s Day and UNC graduation at the same time! Double dipping? You’re crazy for this, Profits!

In fact, here are a couple statistics about the False Profits:

1. False Profits has a 100% graduation rate
2. False Profits has an 87% success rate of delivering breakfast in bed without spilling the orange juice*

-FP

*Unverified